USC vs. UCLA = BORING

USC has the best college football team in the country today and everyone knows it. In fact, there isn't a single UCLA football player on offense or defense that would start on this Trojan team.

And while Angelenos have been force fed "rivalry week", "Battle for Los Angeles", and the "Jim Murray Trophy" all week, nobody is really biting.

Why? It's pretty simple. Aside from the fact so many of us are forced to tolerate USC fans - known nation wide as some of the most obnoxious , pretentious, narcissistic people on the planet - and asked to coddle UCLA alums - who suffer from one of the most awkwardly-transparent inferiority complexes known - nobody cares. The fans don't care, the players don't care, the coaches don't care, and the schools don't care (how about that USC/Coliseum negotiation debacle leaked to the press - class act, Troy).

What this game does offer, however, is a bunch of happy endings. And, I'm going to save you three and half hours that you almost wasted watching this beat-down and let you know what is going to happen.

• USC wins: 42-3.

• After going on to win a lowly-bowl game in December, Bruin head coach Karl Dorrell is fired.

• Pete Carroll, fresh off a 21-point win over Ohio State in the Rose Bowl, resigns his post as USC's head coach and is named head coach/GM/President/Owner/President of the San Francisco 49'ers.

• The USC Trojans play their last game in the barrio.

The USC alumni will fight that last one though. After all, has a Trojan ever leased a property from a Bruin?

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